– I am terribly romantic. Romantic not because I am waiting to find that proverbial bad man ( or a prince if you will) who will change ( bring the whole world in his hands and gift me!) but because I find adventure where people find hardship. I want to live in a war worn country, experience terrible hardships and find my limits. Some days I want to experience truely devastating storm wherein the very roof above my home would fly and find how I can live through it and smile. For that would be truly living by the moment wouldnt it ? I know these wishes are terrible in a way..hence the statement. I am ‘terribly’ romantic
– What is with kids that they are so so cute ? Such huge buttony eyes that looks at world with such wonder, such mischief ? Every time I look at them, I feel a pinch in my stomach that I do my best to ignore. This must be the nesting instinct that most women talk about. I have thought about it at length and have come to a conclusion that it is not for me. And yet, sometimes I wonder if I am wrong and if I would regret in future. But the thought of subjecting my kid to the world as is, and the ache and worries attached with being a parent and of failing at being responsible of another life. Of failing at being a parent as one should be.. puts me right. It doesnt help that all my friends are ‘settling down’ left right and center and that I have not yet even figured out the kind of life I want. One thing I am sure of. I do not want ‘me’ as a mother.
– Poetry might finally be trickling in. I was walking back to the train station from a really tiring office day when I saw this dry leaf ( Autumn is amazingly opulent in its colors. Truly vivid!) drenched in rain, and I thought.. This leaf is me. So drenched, so dry…. and I wrote a few lines about it.
– You know how they say a fool is easily parted with his money… ? Well that fool is me, when it comes to books. I just spent a weeks worth of money buying books. I know I should feel guilty but I dont. All I could think of is cuddling inside my blanket ( this cold evening), smoking a cigarette, plugging my headphones on , and get lost in this delightful gang of characters who beckon me with lovely snippets of their life.
– I also visited a mall this weekend and I had a ruminating conversation with myself. Why is it that I detest shopping ? What is so wrong with wanting to look good and investing some time in actually achieving that ? Am I the only thirty something woman ( I have to try hard to not write ‘girl’ here and why is it so hard for me to accept that am a woman and not a girl? Aging is so terrible when you are a bumbling girl at heart! ) who does not know how it is to put on a decent make up ? I also have started feeling keenly that I am terribly dressed( a good thing or bad? )
– Loneliness ( or solitude if you will ) is a good thing. It really is. The things you learn about yourself is a journey everyone should experience at least once.
– I have been reading a book where the story is told in series of letters and I miss the feel of it. I think technology has spoiled us. The information about every one is so readily available — a phone call, an email, a chat ; that we have forgotten how to communicate ( to ruminate), measure our words. I feel this more keenly now that I am so far away from all my friends. I miss letter writing. I have started this thing with a friend of mine wherein we only communicate on email. No phone calls no quit chats. And I realize how bad I am at writing letters. I want to write witty letters with interesting characters but I realize more and more daily how unobservant I am. Every day I meet so many new people and interact with them but if you ask me how they look or what they said… i would be in a bind to recollect. A new resolution if you will… write about one character I meet.. everyday.. lets see how successful I am with it. At the very least, I have something to write about and cannot complain about how I have nothing to write about. May be then I could finally be a writer I hope to be… Someday!