Life

It never seems easy, this life. But if it was easy, would you want to live it anyways ? I am happy with thousand lives that I dream of and forget between the night and the first ray of light.

Some times I feel, those are the only lives I live. 

 

From Nov 2013, the last blast from the past

Dear you

Dear you,

One thing I can say with out doubt is that I dont understand love. Mine and yours. When you say you love me.. I want to dive into your mind and find out what you actually mean by that. Is it that I am so comfortable and available ? Almost a safe harbor ? I dont want to be loved for that. For I know one day you’d need safe harbor from me.

Unavailable from now on,

Winnie

 

 

Another draft from past

How I am.

I am haunted by the past.

Every day I find myself second guessing my actions, looking for that speck of unreasonableness that definitively marks me , me.

What is it that I want, I am not really sure. I know this- I am tired and would much rather enjoy being unraveled.

This is one pleasure I am afraid to give into. There is freedom in this and it tantalizes me. But I do not have the luxury of breaking into pieces because if I do, I am afraid no one will pick the pieces nay no one would know, to pick them up

 

Draft from the past that’s still valid

Fuck things up!

Dear you,

Today, inexplicably I thought of you. The way my toes curled inside when you touched me, that shamefaced look mixed with guilt and desire, the constant dialogue in my mind, I remember.

I remember how night sounded in your arms – silken and full of promises. Songs that I had long forgotten, whisper in drunken melancholy.

Why did you  fuck things up? Or down. Around.

Wantonly never yours,

Winnie.

 

 

Control et al

Dear you,

When taking charge comes naturally to you and when emotions are involved, remember that everyone is entitled to make their own mistakes. Your advice is not solicicited.

All the worry that you feel is a waste of your time. Better you invest that time in living your own life.

Concernedly yours,

You