I looked at the azure sky devoid of any clouds and my heart whispered, ” Like the azure of your eyes“. Poetry, it had long evaded me. When was the last time I wrote something I wondered..It had been a long time ago. I didnt remember when!
‘ But I am successful. I am one of the most highly paid individual in the industry.. and my every minute is precious’ The words seemed hollow to my ears.
‘ Then why are you here?’ my heart queried back.
At loss for words, I looked around. I saw a bird reach out to the sky in one fluid motion. “ Like your alabaster brow raised in amusement“, once again my heart whispered.
I am not doing this. I have so many things to do… meetings to attend.. My mobile has been ringing insistently and probably even my inbox is overflowing with emails. I should leave..
The waves seem to linger for a moment more on my feet, carassing them with their wetness. The sand slipping past my heel pleasuring me with sensations, I have not experienced in a very long time. May be I should stay for few more moments.
Why is it that I haven’t been here before? It isn’t far from my place and I do have a car. And I used to love the sea so much! The very reason why I bought the flat. A flat that never graduated into a ‘home’.
It was just a place I returned to, to sleep on the bed. I had the most comfiest couch that I never sat on, most tech-savvy gadgets that I never got around to use and a kitchen which most chefs would kill to have..
I haven’t cooked anything in that kitchen. Only made a glass of juice now and then before going for a jog. And then return late in the night only to have occasional coffee.
I have stopped living. For no reason whatsoever. Gone numb, turned into an automaton. My heart was not broken, I have no sorrow. I am no depressed then why is it that I feel this void? Why is it that my life is so empty? May be its this lack of emotion thats killing me without making a single noise.
My life may not have tears, but it has no laughter! It may not be cold but it has no warmth!
When was it that I last enjoyed something? The last time I simply relaxed without being bone tired?
Last time I laughed? Called friends.. family even.. Last time did something crazy.. something silly.. something so ridiculous that I cried while I laughed?
When was the last time I cried? Felt so lonely that I screamed.. clutched my stomach and howled?
A long long time ago.. Whats the bloody use of it?
Of success of defeats.. of money.. of luxuries?
Pointless.. my existence .. a speck in the sand.. for a moment on the top and then swept away by the wind into oblivion.
And then an utter loss. of things left inexperienced. A bitter taste of regrets.
I looked at the setting sun in wonder. For the first time in a long long time… Its mood suited me. A deep-set languor.. a struggle.. a violence.. reflected in my eyes… Alive.. just that moment.
And then, I saw around me. each one of us seemed like a solitary island. Why is it that we spend most of our lives afraid of that hovering eyes that’s never there! Each one of us is busy hiding.. behind the mask.. away from that “eye”. Eye that we never see.
And then I smiled. A self indulgent quirky little smile. It refused to stop. Bloomed into a huge laugh.. belly aching.. tears spilling laugh.. for no reason at all.
Like startled doe, they looked at me. Those people. Afraid to see what reflected in my eyes. Pure unadulterated mirth.
And for the first time in a very long time.. I felt free.. I felt young.. hopeful.. reckless…
And I plunged into the sea to meet the golden, liquid sun, fast disappearing into a crimson molten lava..
One hour of pure bliss and then…
Lolling on the sand, in a great abandon.. feeling the breeze carassing my back, I bade the day good bye.
“Madam, your car is serviced”, the guy with the yellow cap nudged me slowly.
The day was over finally. It was time for the real world. And when I drove back home with the headphones pasted on my ears, I didn’t look back.
The spell was broken.
But in the night, when the stars twinkled high in the night, and the moon peaked out into the window, I went out in the terrace and remembered the orange splendor. The spell was broken but the magic lingered…