Being a daughter..

Being a daughter is not easy for me. I am lazy, and quite a kind of a person who likes to live in herself.. but then.. I am one whether I like it or not.. so well..

There is a popular tag going along about being a mom and a dad.. that I thought why not about being a daughter ?

 

Ten things I love about being your  daughter ( wrt father)

1. When my dad waits up by the door for me to come home just to share something.. or may be with a cup of coffee.

2. When I was  sick and demanded ‘panipuri’ just because I had not eaten anything and I could get away with it ( Anything better than nothing. We were not allowed junk) as I was puking all day. Jaundice and all.

3. When you paid up money for the mistake I made and simply said, your time to earn will come don’t bother now. ( I was worried sick that you will beat me up)

4. For your wonderfully funny stories about people I have not met or will ever meet ( long dead). You brought them alive for us.

5. The idealism in you that you gave me as an heritage. Though I learned that you are not that perfect, but still you inpired me to be someone better 

6. For that walk down to Dadar station on your shoulders while your hands held 2 suitcases. I loved the ride. I was 4. All the way for nearly 5 km as the engine broke down. 

7. For always taking my side. Even when I was wrong. For I felt loved. I felt pampered. Sis clinged on mom. And I had you. It balanced it out. I was always “Daddy’s girl” Always will be. 

8. For raising me up as your son. Your constant refrain was I was a guy in a girls body.  It made me do things. Stupid things. And courageous things. But always for a dare. If guys can do it. I can. And It served me well always. 

9. For teaching me that men working in the kitchen is not wrong. For caring for my mother enough to help her by cutting vegetables, by washing clothes long before being feminist was a fad. To have never said no for anything related to education ever.

10. Esp for understanding my mothers dream, and to have encouraged her to study till she was B. Ed. ( She was 10th pass when she married him. And they married quite late. My mom was nearly 50 when she got B ed. And all thanks to my dad and my mom’s will ofcourse.)

 

Ten things I love about being your  daughter ( wrt mother)

1. The fact that you were strong enough to single handedly take care of your family being a female and to have come to Mumbai at the age of 18. All alone.

2. For teaching me practicality means compromise and yet with love and that its not a sacrifice.

3. For being so patient with someone as sensitive as me. When I cried in front of you with my litany of complaints ( I still have them .. but no one to listen to) when you had woken up as early as 5 am. Cooked, cleaned and washed clothes. Caught the local at 10 am to Dadar( standing all the way) then catching a bus to Prabhadevi where you worked. And in the evening catching the ever crowded Virar local. Coming to empty and dirty home that needed cleaning. Cooking that needed to be done. And then listen to both of us ( me n sis) fight like junglees that we were.

4. For telling me stories late in the night. For buying me fairy tales even though they were too costly. Even though I would have finished them in one day. Even though you didnt u\s why I liked them . Or may be you did understand.

5. For asking us to help you with your projects. Remember that bumble bee  with a magnet we made for your science project? Me and sis? And that parody song on road cleanliness ? For all those creative outlets thank you.

6. For making us aware of world thats less privileged than us. For making us care. 

7. For those countless clinging you suffered even when you were dead tired. Late in the night for singing lullabies till we fell asleep

8. For teaching me justice. Dad pampered. But you showed me the right path always.

9.  For listening and listening till your ears ached. Never found a better listener!

10. And for simply being what you were. Warm, caring and A mother. For looking after when we fell sick. For shielding from dad when we made a mistake and repented( like when we ran away from home). For giving birth to us by taking so much risks( you were 44 nearly when I was born and we both were Cesarean) . For countless prayers that you gave in various temples  for our well being.

 

And to you both to have made us what we are. Women with independent thought, strength to face whatever life throws at us. And yet to be able to care, and be loving. 

For dad, to have taught us whatever we know about cooking.  And mom to have inculcated a strong sense of responsibility in us.

 

And now…

The 10 things I hate about being your daughter ( wrt dad)

 

1. The calls you made even if I was 5 min late to all our friend’s home.

2. For over protecting us so much that when time came, to fend for you as well as ourselves, our 1 steps were shaky and full of pain.

3. For saying no to anything fun unless you both were there. And you were never there.

4. For dreaming about ‘moving to south’ so much so that every plan was altered to make a way for that dream and yet it was never realized until we decided and planned it for you.

5. For idealism that ultimately hurt you and in turn us severely.

6. For your hot temper and hurtful words hurled in anger. Saying sorry afterwards never makes it ‘okay’. 

7. For being an emotional fool and believing charlatans , just too many times for me to count!

8. For being protective all your life and never actually doing it when it mattered. Funny thing is you dont even know. We protected it from you. We being your kids. I guess you did raise us well.

9. This is actually a mixed blessing. For exposing us to books and ideas way beyond our age. in effect making us alienated with our friends who thought we were weird.. at the same time, which assured that I never really had to work hard to score good marks. I was touted as weird genius while I was neither.

10. For moving us to chennai ( with our aunt but alone in the compartment as Aunt had reservations in other compartment. We traveled alone.. whatever aunt might tell you.. We were not scared. It was an adventure.. still.. )when I was 7 and sis 8, as a part of moving to south scheme.  We had a hard time making friends there since we didn’t know the language anyways. And just when we did start making friends you took us back as your plan back fired. It was silly wasteful and it hurt us!

 

10 things I hate about being your daughter ( wrt mom)

1. It is silly really but the first thing that comes to me is about that first poetry I wrote about you. I read it out to you with so much love and your response was a bewildered question.. where did you steal it from.. I was so hurt that I stopped writing then. I was 12. 

2. For never saying anything against dad even when you knew he was wrong.. for keeping peace at home.

3. For dying! I wish you lived to see how well we have grown.

4. For being so sacrificial that you never lived for yourself. For not doing a single thing that you dreamt about . No travel No singing nothing! 

5. For living in future like dad.. and letting things rot in present.

6. For not being able to say sorry for the hurtful things I said to you in that last fight. For the selfish words I uttered.

7. For being so dejected with life that you had to take the support of spirituality in such a way that in the end, it took you away from us.

8. For the times you vented your frustrations on us with the rolling pin.

9. For never being there in the school for the PTA meeting. Ever. This is for both dad and mom.

10. For never bothering to see if we ever did our homework etc ever. This is again for both mom and dad.

And this is again for both of you… for comparing us always with other kids and finding us lacking.. however, same treatment made on you made you guys angry.  The irony is that rest of the people in the apartment did the same to their kids and found us as a role model. Go figure! 

 

All in all.. it wasn’t really sweet.. but it wasn’t all bitter .. but being a daughter is surely difficult.. atleast for me..

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30 thoughts on “Being a daughter..

  1. Being the only son is not easy as well Pooheedee.
    Always got chewed up, criticised, kicked.
    pampered and still get pampered by my sisters and cousins but not by mom and dad. And i still get kicked by all, physically, at 61
    i have been a big disappointment to everybody.
    You have wasted your life, says every one.
    EEEEEEEEEEEEEE i say, i show my teeth.

    You are painfully honest Pooheedee.
    what was wrong with moving south ? more comforts here.

    You and your sister did not fail your parents, nor did they fail you. You all were pretty honest with each other, however harsh or pleasant it was.
    Parents sacrifice all their comforts and ambitions for their children and they are abandoned in the end and all they get is phone calls from abroad and a few gifts and money. Children want to pay back, yes pay back, don’t ever do that Pooheedee.
    you can never pay back. i wished i could give more comforts to my mom. She died in my arms, i saw her last breath leave.

    Seeking refuge in spirituality is pretty common, they seek comfort in after life, not because of the present situation. What ever they do is for the security of the children.

    Comparison was always there but it had a reverse effect on me. i got wilder, weirder. In the end, those i was compared with are still jealous of me don’t know why, though they are rich and successful and i remained a sadak chaap. a street beggar will have more money in his pocket. i am broke always. and i walk. Camera books and music are the only things i have, all shared with friends.
    So i own nuttin.

    We can’t keep only the pleasant memories and erase the unpleasant ones, they make us more human. Nobody is perfect.
    This post is exceedingly touching Pooheedee, and i cry easily, i am not ashamed of it, being a man.
    its sad to be a human. Its sad to stay alive, its not so sad to go.
    Please tell your children not to treat you like god.
    Make them understand that you are a human.
    And you are sweet Pooheedee.
    your children will be lucky to have you as mom.

    1. Rauf that is such a sweet note.. Thats what I like about you.. this simple giving with all your heart 🙂

      Going to south was not bad.. but holding up evreything every damn year and not going back was 🙂

      It wasnt really bad.. We knew they loved us the most.. what else a parent can give us but love eh ?

  2. Ohhhhh noooooooo….I wrote such a loooong comment but forgot to put my name & email & pressed send:-/
    Pooof…everything went

    Came to tell u r tagged:-)

  3. Aww Poohi this was like a whirlpool … I felt sucked into joy and sorrow both…….I wondered about what my mom thinks and also about what my daughter thinks of us as parents…. I have also been called overprotective sometimes.

    It’s beautifully written, heart wrenchingly lovely. Your best post ever, so long but couldn’t stop reading it…

  4. I am taking this up. REALLY.

    And I ll read your tag sometime tonite and post an elaborate comments for I love reading and writing anything, ANYTHING thats got to do with DADS:-)

  5. Straight from the heart!!!

    I saw a mix of both anger and love in there. I am no parent myself but what I have seen is that they too go through the grinds of life and are growing up as each day passes.

    We are often so lost in our world that we never try to understand on why they do certain things that irritate us.

  6. Written beautifully Meena, everyone of us wd have identified with parts of ur life-story & relationship with ur parents.

    Once again….very sorry ur mom is not with U…it is a kind of nightmareI fear.

  7. “It is silly really but the first thing that comes to me is about that first poetry I wrote about you. I read it out to you with so much love and your response was a bewildered question.. where did you steal it from.. I was so hurt that I stopped writing then. I was 12. ”

    This has happened to me too:-) I can really understand:-)
    And i dunno…This has made me kinda emotional, this post of yours I mean. I can associate to a lot of things if not everything and its one of the most emotionally satisfying posts I ve read in a long long time:-)

    Keep up:D

  8. Meens, I forgot to subscribe to your latest feed and missed couple of your posts. 😦

    There are so many things which suits me too. I remember when I was late it was my dad who would call up my friends and I used to be so embarrassed 😀

    I wish I could write a long comment for each of those lines which means to me too.

    Meens, I would like to believe that it is never always sweet and it is never always bitter either and there are times when it is a lot sweeter and sometimes a lot bitter (which is when it is sad).

    1. Ahh Solilo I guess life should be both sweet and bitter else we dont really value it that much.

      I wouldnt want to change a thing.. what I am today is both coz of the sweet as well as the bitter part 🙂

Humor me please? *winks*

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