I don’t want this to be a rant but…..

I have found one curious phenomenon online.. which also happened with me! Am ashamed to say this but…

Once upon a time, ( exactly 2 years ago) I got involved emotionally with a guy @ orkut. 3 months down the line, I had had enough and opted out. There has been never a day when I regretted that decision of mine.

Needless to say there were lot of negative response from the guy. It started with scraps and then translated to urging my friends to influence me to get back to him and ended with say bullshit about me to strangers on an “Orkut community”Β 

What I have noticed is that more than one friend of mine has gone through the same rigamarole.. I mean starting with ditching the guy after 3-5 months to the point that the guy talks bullshit!

I wonder if this phenomenon is prevalant a lot.. or is it only with my friends? How can it be that the same stuff happens?

Interesting part is I had adviced both these friends to not get into a relation online ( And I was adviced too!!) but we did go ahead. I guess every one is entitled to make mistakes and learn from them…

My point was.. is there one particular kind of personality of people who are more active on orkut and other such n\wing sites? For males as well as females I mean..

What do you say guys?

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46 thoughts on “I don’t want this to be a rant but…..

  1. u know what poohi,I went through the same..It was worse cos the guy sent some of the chat sessions to my friends.He made the gravest mistake..my friends stood by me.I guess it’s wise to be wary of someone who tries to be too friendly overnight..In fact I had developed a genuine respect and liking for the guy..I am careful henceforth.

    1. Indu then you are lucky πŸ™‚ One of my friend is facing the problem of him telling lies to people she knows but is not too friendly with..

      And another guy had posted his ex- girlfriend’s pics in bikini in his profile ! An other friend of mine had to fend off “one night stand” calls from strangers.. the guy had been free with her mob fone number.. and till date she is scared to pick up calls from people whose # she doesnt know!

  2. You getting all kinds of negative response itself proves tat such guys don’t show any genuineness when it comes to relationships.. be it online or face to face… It happens a lot.. Even some of my friends have got affected.. But like you pointed out.. “I guess every one is entitled to make mistakes and learn from them”.. !!

  3. hmhm….

    Ok… I have seen this happen and I kind a know why…

    I am writing it here- coz may be it will help out the people who read this.

    First of all not only guys but also girls can be like this. There is no gender bias.

    I think certain times people cannot accept the fact that some1 who they have been spending time with, doesnt want to do so anymore. It brings a sense of heavy insecurity to them. And they inorder to prove to themselves they are worth it- start to nag their friend, then If their frd is unresponsive they try all sorts of things….

    I will not blame those people. It s just that they still havent come to understand that 2 have a relation in whatever terms as frds, as a couple, as anything- U need to have both the people enjoying each other and when tat stops the relationship falls apart.

    U may ask then how am I 2 know- whether the guy or the gal is not going tobe like that in future. Thats the hard part-

    If U think ur relationship wid them is worth it. U will have to find out 4 urself.

    Of course U may get hurt. But thats OK. I have a handful of people U trust totally and I started with crowd.

  4. I think Winnie, it is best to be a little careful in such social sites, for we never know them other than what they tell us about themselves…but then you have already learnt this by now, right…and even if you do keep it to the bare minimum of information given from your side..

    1. Sindhu the n\wing sites are addictive! Initially you are careful then slowly you lower it unconsciously.. I have this friend.. since past 3 and half years online.. I know her family and even her cousins. I stayed with her for her bday and all.. it may be stupid but we are quite quite close!

  5. You talk about online ? One of my friend was involved in a guy, a colleague. When later she ditched him, he went rampant with stupid calls and bad words. It’s really difficult to identify the real person behind that mask.

    1. I know what you mean! One of my friend had to fend off “will you blow job me” kind of calls as her ex gave others her phone number and said that it is the # of the “whore” he knew!

  6. “My point was.. is there one particular kind of personality of people who are more active on orkut and other such n\wing sites? For males as well as females I mean..”

    wrong question, lady. some guys do this no matter what the relationship type was. i have a friend who’s real-life ex (they broke up 4 years ago!!!) has been stalking her!!! he knows everything about her, including what she’s upto, where she lives (she’s moved post-breakup), even about the guy who asked her out a year ago!!!

    my theory so far is that these men are attention seekers. they are the sort who want attention from everyone, and when they don’t get it, they try to use *your* fear or anger as a means to get attention πŸ™‚

      1. @krist0ph3r: I don’t think men are attention seekers. The person just can’t handle the fact that a girl no longer wants to talk to him, kind of hurts the male ego!
        Me: I agree its ego.. and its also the fact that the girl gave so much of her time for him.. and now won’t!

        @Winnie the Poohi: I think such guys are total losers!

        Me: Oh yes! Whole bunch of losers seems to be found online!

  7. Winnie…. in social networking sites we have to be really careful… those kind of guys and gals were always there.. and its better to use them sparingly… just to get in touch with our old friends and not some strangers πŸ™‚ At times those strangers will be good.. but many a times they will have tainted thought 😦

    1. Kanagu.. cant agree to that fully.. despite my experience.. I have made wonderful wonderful friends there. We have to be careful yes. And I am.. and I was.. but some breeze past your defenses!

  8. Meens, I would say that it is best to be vigilant on the net. This virtual world is murkier than you think. I have personally heard of incidents where kids as young as 13 are on public forums chatting away to glory with much married men in 30s and 40s. First it starts as friendship and then it goes beyond that. Sadly! Since parents are almost computer illiterate they have no clue about what the child is doing online. That’s why I am against teens interacting on public forums. But of course It is their parents’ call.

    Now coming to your issue and that is an adult becoming a victim of stalking, it is also very common. Not only guys but even girls stalk. That’s why don’t give details of your life to anyone unless you know the person a bit more. Be wary of people who try to be overfriendly at the first instance esp. if they ask you for your personal details.

    Many Indian men who crave for attention are on such social networks. They even take friendship as something else. So next time be careful, Meens. You don’t want the trauma of stalking and somebody’s viciousness.

    1. Solileo! I wrote about this thing as a story its called A chat story… exactly one year ago!

      Solilo I am careful now.. And I was.. even then.. I knew that person for more than an year before we started going out.. but then as I said.. somethings you cant avoid!

  9. One of my guy friend also happened to at the receiving end of such acts.

    To be honest, I think you will find both kind of people out there in social networking sites where some are looking to make new genuine friends and some are desperate to get into a relationship.

    One has to be cautious when adding strangers to their friends list and I believe there are signs which tells more about the person we interact.

    Only after one has known them long enough, should they think about getting into relationships.

  10. I dont know about this… I never talked to strangers on orkut… I used it only to share photos with my friends… the only unknown people I started shring my orkut profiles are a few bloggers recently and so far no such experience…

    relationships online.. I thought that was only newspaper stuff…

    geee…

  11. I am back :D:P

    As for my views, a lot of what I think has been elaborated by these fellow bloggers. And suddenly a question pops in, Why are guys always at the receiving end to phenomenon like staking and stuff?I mean, I ve only heard of guys creating ripples and suicide-fake pic-threats and not girls. so dos that mean, Girls move on a lot quicker and are emotionally practically balanced and guys are less equipped to do so?

    1. Most girls are I find.. I mean.. as far as my experience goes.. guys are more vicious when they are hell bent on revenge.. but girls are more hurt n clinging sort!

      I had a guy whose ex kept clinging to him even after she got married.. it was she who broke the relationship.. and to mask it.. she said he is stalking her! I guess it takes all kinds to make the world!

  12. Meenz..U have to be very carefull in online.U should never share U’r personal information and also itz not a good idea to reveal U’r identity to strangers.Even i used to get lot of friend request from strangers(both guyz n gals).I simply press the reject button always.many perverts of 20-40 years create fake profiles in orkut and facebook and try to exploit the innocent ones ,espicially those who are between 15-21…..I know a lot of cases among my friends…so when u get a friend request from a stranger next time don’t think twise.just ignore.thatz wht i suggest and don’t worry about what happend because experiances teach us to be smart πŸ™‚ .

  13. Hmmmm…has happened with me also and many a people. Dunno it has to do with similar kind of personalties or it is the fact that we only talk about our positive points in virtual world and trust comes in very easily. It is when you interact properly that the real person comes out.

    I have learned my lesson I stay away and don’t trust easily now….am sure u too are much more cautious now πŸ™‚

  14. Hasn’t happened to me as I use Orkut just to keep in touch with friends and have also re-connected with old school friends πŸ™‚ But I have never accepted a friendship request from somebody I don’t know.. Somehow am very very very wary of people I don’t know.. But I have heard of people meeting online and stuff and even getting married.. But I guess the dangers are far more.. You can never be sure – not that you can be sure anyways, but online – I guess there is so much we don’t know.. It sounds very very scary..

    All I can say is that anybody considering something like this should think twice and carefully consider the dangers involved. The sad thing is that no matter how careful we are – we can never be too sure..

    1. Your last line sums it up. I have met a lot of people offline who were first my online friends. And we are very very good friends even now. But ofcourse we meet in a public place and after we interact for quite some time. I joined orkut initially to keep contact with my friends but eventually got into making friends online..

  15. my policy is simple…..
    never ever believe anything that is out there in the http://WWW….. certain bloggers do not come under this rule……. πŸ˜› πŸ˜› πŸ˜› πŸ˜›

    but yes, winnie, people need to be cautious when it comes to “frds request” in orkut….. πŸ˜›

  16. I agree that such stuff happens, and when it happens its something really embarrassing and it hurts a lot , but Winnie, You temme why and how can a person get emotionally involved so easily and at such an early stage with a person they hardly know ? Everybody needs to be careful, regardless of gender, its not like that all the guys or girls out there are like this, but if u cant be careful about with whom u r toking to, and about to whom u r coming close to, then u urself is to be blamed as well.

    Just be careful and cautious, Everybody out there is not tht bad.

  17. Hey , I agree that such stuff happens, and when it happens its something really embarrassing and it hurts a lot , but Winnie, You temme why and how can a person get emotionally involved so easily and at such an early stage with a person they hardly know ? Everybody needs to be careful, regardless of gender, its not like that all the guys or girls out there are like this, but if u cant be careful about with whom u r toking to, and about to whom u r coming close to, then u urself is to be blamed as well.

    Just be careful and cautious, Everybody out there is not tht bad !!

  18. Would go with what Solilo has said Winnie..she has said all that I wanted to..
    ((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
    you know what?You are a darling girl who has a sensible head on her shoulders and you will be fine always..good things happen to good people πŸ™‚ I really believe that πŸ™‚

  19. so you met the guy online first. but did you not meet him after messaging first or the second time ? not even a phone call ? he could have 3-4 identities online. as solilo has explained in the US teenagers and social interaction online have become a menace and it has reached the stage where murders and dangerous interactions have taken place. my cousin went through this too and found that the guy was 15 years senior to him! and All that LIES ! to me the social networks have become like a strip tease ( if it is not professional )

  20. so you met the guy online first. but did you not meet him after messaging first or the second time ? not even a phone call ? he could have 3-4 identities online. as solilo has explained in the US teenagers and social interaction online have become a menace and it has reached the stage where murders and dangerous interactions have taken place. my cousin went through this too and found that the guy was 15 years senior to her! and All that LIES ! to me the social networks have become like a strip tease ( if it is not professional )

Humor me please? *winks*

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