Is it possible to ever forget or replace the one you lost? I wonder if you really lose anyone? Every time someone moves away from you.. it is not them that you lose, it is a part of you.
Isnt that why you feel this huge void, this emptiness that wants to drown you. And you reach out to life like you never had before. Strings of half baked affairs, surplus night outs, parties later you still find yourself dreading those few moments before the sleep starts its healing process and after the lights are turned off.
How do you over come this empty void?
I hear your voice, hear you call me in the dead of the night. I cheat myself with the thought that you will come back, that you are on vacation… and then suddenly a wayward thought crops up .. ‘ You are never coming back’ and my heart breaks all over again.. These illusions never help do they?
Few snatches of conversations, a long echoing cough… A whiff of roasted chestnuts in ghee, amusing phrases oft repeated only between us, soft moments, harsh moments.. the ups and the downs, the sun, the moon, travels, trains.. every goddamn thing reminds me something of you.. something of me!
And when my heart can’t take it anymore…..
I think of ‘him’
I invent many different ways of torturing myself! Don’t I?