So what do you do when you know you are in a dicey situation and want some respite?
Earlier I would have said, I blog. But now, I tweet.
And sometimes if am lucky, like I am right now, I get perked up. Thanks to @kaalicharan
We exchanged following tweets. Hope it gives you few laughs like it gave to me.
ME: First job of the day – Searching tips on how to build a mind blowing resume that doesn’t blow my mind but deludes some HR into hiring me 😀
ME: If my potential employers see my tweet count they wont hire me at all. *sigh*
ME: Okay am already depressed. Gonna do resume my way and rest be damned.
KC: If this resume doesn’t blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope
ME: Naice. I would add in the foot note. if you remain alive that is 😉
KC: Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job 😉
ME: all those companies shut down 😀 😀
KC: “I am loyal to my employer at all costs….Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.” I always reply….
ME: I am very economical that way. I even use office internet to dl movies and songs. social n\w and twitter.
KC: It’s best for employers that I not work with people 😉 PS I wish torrents weren’t banned in my office!
ME: Au contraire I am a ppl’s person. You may find me any day sitting in the cafeteria giving gyan for free 😀
KC: And for that tinge of honesty lets add in the CV that “I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant” 😉
ME: Let me also add prevarication is an art that i have mastered. Make me head of ur PR department for now. u may thank me later
KC: And If the PR dept. backfires, I can always say that like my last 14 employers even this company made me a scapegoat!
ME: Ofcourse there is always Client management, Human resources or Press correspondent. You can even bribe me to stay at home
KC: And as a mark of final impression do add towards the end “References: none. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.” 😉
ME: References: Private. Can be discussed over the butt of a gun 😉
KC: We work well when under constant supervision of management and occasionally if we are cornered like a rat in a trap 😉
ME: Actually in my line of work.. its never 😉
KC: Not in my line either but whatever happened to fragments of fiction? 😉 Imagine and revel in adventure!
ME: ha ha ha.We perform well if there is a promotion at the end of the tunnel ( read make someone else work and steal the credits)
KC: Well said! I was instrumental in ruining entire operation for Subhiskha chain of stores. 😉
ME: Instrumental in reducing the load on servers everyday ( read handles cancellations )
KC: My resume Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis.
ME: To be allowed to maximize profits and to reduce the actual usage of human resources. ( Esp personal)
KC: Reason for leaving last job: Bounty hunting is illegal under Indian penal Code 😉
At this point I decided to simply sit back and enjoy. But few other choicest tweets I just have to share!!
KC: Q. How large was the department you worked in with your last company? “A: 3 stories 😉
KC: Funny CV mistakes from net- “On the line that asked what “sex” he was, he wrote “occasionally”
KC: References: I’d have to kill someone in higher management to testify for me, save a life, lets skip it.
ME: References: All are dead. Would you like to be my next reference?
*sigh* Sometimes I get really get lucky and Tweets turn into Blog posts yay!