Resume tips: On twitter!

So what do you do when you know you are in a dicey situation and want some respite?

Earlier I would have said, I blog. But now, I tweet.

And sometimes if am lucky, like I am right now, I get perked up. Thanks to @kaalicharan

We exchanged following tweets. Hope it gives you few laughs like it gave to me.

ME: First job of the day – Searching tips on how to build a mind blowing resume that doesn’t blow my mind but deludes some HR into hiring me πŸ˜€

ME: If my potential employers see my tweet count they wont hire me at all. *sigh*

ME: Okay am already depressed. Gonna do resume my way and rest be damned.

KC: If this resume doesn’t blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope

ME: Naice. I would add in the foot note. if you remain alive that is πŸ˜‰

KC: Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job πŸ˜‰

ME: all those companies shut down πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

KC: “I am loyal to my employer at all costs….Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.” I always reply….

ME: I am very economical that way. I even use office internet to dl movies and songs. social n\w and twitter.

KC: It’s best for employers that I not work with people πŸ˜‰ PS I wish torrents weren’t banned in my office!

ME: Au contraire I am a ppl’s person. You may find me any day sitting in the cafeteria giving gyan for free πŸ˜€

KC: And for that tinge of honesty lets add in the CV that “I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant” πŸ˜‰

ME: Let me also add prevarication is an art that i have mastered. Make me head of ur PR department for now. u may thank me later

KC: And If the PR dept. backfires, I can always say that like my last 14 employers even this company made me a scapegoat!

ME: Ofcourse there is always Client management, Human resources or Press correspondent. You can even bribe me to stay at home

KC: And as a mark of final impression do add towards the end “References: none. I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.” πŸ˜‰

ME: References: Private. Can be discussed over the butt of a gun πŸ˜‰

KC: We work well when under constant supervision of management and occasionally if we are cornered like a rat in a trap πŸ˜‰

ME: Actually in my line of work.. its never πŸ˜‰

KC: Not in my line either but whatever happened to fragments of fiction? πŸ˜‰ Imagine and revel in adventure!

ME: ha ha ha.We perform well if there is a promotion at the end of the tunnel ( read make someone else work and steal the credits)

KC: Well said! I was instrumental in ruining entire operation for Subhiskha chain of stores. πŸ˜‰

ME: Instrumental in reducing the load on servers everyday ( read handles cancellations )

KC: My resume Objective: To have my skills and ethics challenged on a daily basis.

ME: To be allowed to maximize profits and to reduce the actual usage of human resources. ( Esp personal)

KC: Reason for leaving last job: Bounty hunting is illegal under Indian penal Code πŸ˜‰

At this point I decided to simply sit back and enjoy. But few other choicest tweets I just have to share!!

KC:Β  Q. How large was the department you worked in with your last company? β€œA: 3 stories πŸ˜‰

KC: Funny CV mistakes from net-Β  β€œOn the line that asked what β€œsex” he was, he wrote β€œoccasionally”

KC: References: I’d have to kill someone in higher management to testify for me, save a life, lets skip it.

ME: References: All are dead. Would you like to be my next reference?

*sigh* Sometimes I get really get lucky and Tweets turn into Blog posts yay!

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6 thoughts on “Resume tips: On twitter!

  1. It’s a pleasure to be featured on your blog log lady, the dog is honored, humbled and floored πŸ™‚

    here’s to our job hunt! Cheers!

    PS Don’t forget to add a cautionary notice towards the end of the post in case someone decides to put to practice our gyaan πŸ™‚

  2. I guess i need to incorporate some of those skills into my resume. I hope you don’t have Β© for any of those πŸ˜›

Humor me please? *winks*

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