Time and again I come again this thought. May be I have alluded to it may be I haven’t. I am not sure. The thing is I want to know how do you heal? How do you stop feeling the void.. the pain?
I can never talk about it. Or if I ever talk about it I find it inadequate. Its like no one would understand. But doesn’t everyone go through this at some point of time? Every one loses a loved one. Sooner or later. Some sooner than later. And yet.. it is so hard to deal with this pain. Why?
Some people talk about it to all and sundry. Some keep it buried. Some preserve everything as it was. Some remove everything as if that person never exists.
I am one of those people. When dad died, the first thing me n sis did was to pack every small thing of him. Right from the clothes to the books. And now.. 1 year later.. on the eve of the anniversary..
Sis went out as usual.. and I slept the whole day away..
The next day I said..
” yesterday was dad’s you.. know.. its been one year already.. ”
” yeah I miss him even now..”
“me too. ”
And that was that. We are not religious enough to take comfort in rituals. Nor emotional enough to cry. No thats not true. I do cry and am sure sis does too. But we dont comfort each other. We don’t know how.
With mom, we didn’t talk about her at all. Not about how much we missed her or how unfair it was all. For it was unfair. Was it not? Is it not? But whom do we blame? Our parents? God? if he even exists?
Anyhow.. the point is.. when do we stop hurting? When do we stop remembering? And how do we start doing that?
Or do we ever?