Random Ruminations

– I am terribly romantic. Romantic not because I am waiting to find that proverbial bad man ( or a prince if you will) who will change ( bring the whole world in his hands and gift me!) but because I find adventure where people find hardship. I want to live in a war worn country, experience terrible hardships and find my limits. Some days I want to experience truely devastating storm wherein the very roof above my home would fly and find how I can live through it and smile. For that would be truly living by the moment wouldnt it ? I know these wishes are terrible in a way..hence the statement. I am ‘terribly’ romantic

– What is with kids that they are so so cute ? Such huge buttony eyes that looks at world with such wonder, such mischief ? Every time I look at them, I feel a pinch in my stomach that I do my best to ignore. This must be the nesting instinct that most women talk about. I have thought about it at length and have come to a conclusion that it is not for me. And yet, sometimes I wonder if I am wrong and if I would regret in future. But the thought of subjecting my kid to the world as is, and the ache and worries attached with being a parent and of failing at being responsible of another life. Of failing at being a parent as one should be.. puts me right. It doesnt help that all my friends are ‘settling down’ left right and center and that I have not yet even figured out the kind of life I want. One thing I am sure of. I do not want ‘me’ as a mother.

– Poetry might finally be trickling in. I was walking back to the train station from a really tiring office day when I saw this dry leaf ( Autumn is amazingly opulent in its colors. Truly vivid!) drenched in rain, and I thought.. This leaf is me. So drenched, so dry…. and I wrote a few lines about it.

– You know how they say a fool is easily parted with his money… ? Well that fool is me, when it comes to books. I just spent a weeks worth of money buying books. I know I should feel guilty but I dont. All I could think of is cuddling inside my blanket ( this cold evening), smoking a cigarette, plugging my headphones on , and get lost in this delightful gang of characters who beckon me with lovely snippets of their life.

– I also visited a mall this weekend and I had a ruminating conversation with myself. Why is it that I detest shopping ? What is so wrong with wanting to look good and investing some time in actually achieving that ? Am I the only thirty something woman ( I have to try hard to not write ‘girl’ here and why is it so hard for me to accept that am a woman and not a girl? Aging is so terrible when you are a bumbling girl at heart! ) who does not know how it is to put on a decent make up ? I also have started feeling keenly that I am terribly dressed( a good thing or bad? )

– Loneliness ( or solitude if you will ) is a good thing. It really is. The things you learn about yourself is a journey everyone should experience at least once.

– I have been reading a book where the story is told in series of letters and I miss the feel of it. I think technology has spoiled us. The information about every one is so readily available — a phone call, an email, a chat ; that we have forgotten how to communicate ( to ruminate), measure our words. I feel this more keenly now that I am so far away from all my friends. I miss letter writing. I have started this thing with a friend of mine wherein we only communicate on email. No phone calls no quit chats. And I realize how bad I am at writing letters. I want to write witty letters with interesting characters but I realize more and more daily how unobservant I am. Every day I meet so many new people and interact with them but if you ask me how they look or what they said… i would be in a bind to recollect. A new resolution if you will… write about one character I meet.. everyday.. lets see how successful I am with it. At the very least, I have something to write about and cannot complain about how I have nothing to write about. May be then I could finally be a writer I hope to be… Someday!

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4 thoughts on “Random Ruminations

  1. “I find adventure where people find hardship. I want to live in a war worn country, experience terrible hardships and find my limits. Some days I want to experience truely devastating storm wherein the very roof above my home would fly and find how I can live through it and smile. For that would be truly living by the moment wouldnt it ?”

    You will suffer so much that you will repent having such thoughts/wishes. This is a given.

    :

  2. Girl (see, not so difficult to call you that), it’s almost like you are me and that is uncanny!
    And no fool ever parts with money for books, so no, you did good.
    Love that you are corresponding via email, that is a great idea. I miss the letter writing days 😦
    The more I read your stuff, the more I find you a person I would love to share a drink with.

Humor me please? *winks*

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