I know this feeling is most unreasonable but some days I feel cheated out of tenderness. I am so afraid of hurting again that I can’t find in myself the ability to love anyone with any kind of depth. I think I am more comfortable with disappointments and numbness. Esp, the ads that celebrates the finer parts of relationships enrage me sometimes. I know though, I don’t deserve that sweetness coz I do not hold that sweetness in me and besides, I’d probably be more apprehensive than loving if I ever find someone showering love n attention on me. I know this is self sabotage and yet, I find myself frozen in emotional dichotomy.
So much so that the only tears I shed is by watching videos.