I feel so full and heavy. Like the futility of it all is crashing on me. I want to do something rash like running away or unraveling into a mess but the fact is, to be messy, someone should be around to hold you back. Would you jump back when you don’t trust anyone to catch you?
After months of telling people how wonderful my life is, I think I started believing it as well. I don’t know where this dissatisfaction has come from. It’s caught me by surprise and I don’t know what to do about this.
I am in constant state of disappointment although I realize how good my life is. And that causes me even more anguish coz, life IS good!!
Can someone share with me the formula to fall in love and stay in love ? I seem to have forgotten how
I am most surprised that I have wanted to write this letter to you! You are one of those shamefaced secret that I don’t want anyone to know. And yet there are things that I fondly remember.
One of those things is road trip. So may be, it is not that far fetched that I write this.
Beautiful cloudy days with greenery all around and me at the wheel. This was your gift to me. There is no better gift than this. There was so much grace and affection in this act that it was almost love. It definitely was.
Now that I have my own car and I go on my own road trips on long empty roads in beautiful cloudy climate , it is obvious that I remember you.
And yet, it is unexpected , this trickle of affection that I am feeling… I don’t even like you!
The sun sets gloriously and they go back to their little boxes leaving me to my silence. Some days it’s a blessing and others, a curse.
A car is not just a car! It’s a promise that you kept even though it took 4 years to do so.
It’s a declaration that sometimes, you do come through. Not everything is a castle in the air.
A car, the car, is a roar of Independence, it’s vanquishing of fear that crippled you for as long as you can remember.
It’s a harbinger of hope. Things are a- changing!
A car is the sweetness of a dream.
My car! MY CAAAAAR!
I know I have no right..No right! But… I can’t help but feel betrayed right now. Betrayed by you… It’s been ages.. I know.. we are not together.. I know … But … Whenever I was disappointed in men, I thought, at least there was you! You were good… Plain gold… Everything else doesn’t matter… But now I know… You were just like the rest… May be more evolved more polished version of that shit.. but still a shit… And I feel betrayed all over again!
You stole my narrative. Now I am just a pathetic woman who fell for the fluff and didn’t even know