Today, inexplicably I thought of you. The way my toes curled inside when you touched me, that shamefaced look mixed with guilt and desire, the constant dialogue in my mind, I remember.
I remember how night sounded in your arms – silken and full of promises. Songs that I had long forgotten, whisper in drunken melancholy.
Why did you fuck things up? Or down. Around.
Wantonly never yours,
When taking charge comes naturally to you and when emotions are involved, remember that everyone is entitled to make their own mistakes. Your advice is not solicicited.
All the worry that you feel is a waste of your time. Better you invest that time in living your own life.
You are a broken record that supersedes all other broken record. Or may be its me that is broken. When did I becomes this collection of broken stories ?
Quite brokenly, not so much yours but not myself anymore,
Come sit with me a moment.
Wrapped in the silence of this night, lets rediscover ourselves. Do not heed the alarm bells
Dawn is long way still.
for the night is young and our youth might be slipping away … a little at a time.
On the office desks, in front of the computers and laptops, in formal shoes and flip flops, life is drifting away
a little yours, a little mine.
lets dither. Oh please come hither for tomorrow doesn’t hold sway. Not yet, any way!
For a moment , wrapped in silence. Just stay.
It is interesting how I keep coming back to you every few weeks. Even if I have nothing to say. Even if I know all there is to know. I keep coming back. You are like that grey sky in the evening skyline. Everyone is looking at the bright lights made more prominent by the contrast. I am guilty of it as well. And yet, every once in a while, I return to dwell in your abstract.
It is sad as well, how these muted tones that I once so fondly cherished are now ravaged. And like all other evenings, this too will be discarded in the light of the day. And the evening skyline will hide, bide its time with me and wait, for that uncertain dawn to glitter again. Perhaps for the last time.
Do you want to know the words that’s making rounds in my head ? It keeps going “Stupid bitch Stupid bitch” on the loop! I dont always resort to swear words but in this context you deserve this and more. How the hell did you emerge back into my life ? I thought I had see the last of you… gone.. done and dusted. And here you stand…. is that a smug expression on your face ? Is it because I did not sing an eulogy for you ? Do you know why I didnt ? Its coz I hoped against the worst possible outcome that some day… someday.. you could live in peace with me, in me. And yet, here you stand! What am I to do with you?
Why in the hell did you go and contact him ? How could you act normal and smile and exchange pleasantries… WITH HIM????!!!!! That is just not done. What will I do now ?
Not so happy with you anymore,