Time and again I come again this thought. May be I have alluded to it may be I haven’t. I am not sure. The thing is I want to know how do you heal? How do you stop feeling the void.. the pain?
I can never talk about it. Or if I ever talk about it I find it inadequate. Its like no one would understand. But doesn’t everyone go through this at some point of time? Every one loses a loved one. Sooner or later. Some sooner than later. And yet.. it is so hard to deal with this pain. Why?
Some people talk about it to all and sundry. Some keep it buried. Some preserve everything as it was. Some remove everything as if that person never exists.
I am one of those people. When dad died, the first thing me n sis did was to pack every small thing of him. Right from the clothes to the books. And now.. 1 year later.. on the eve of the anniversary..
Sis went out as usual.. and I slept the whole day away..
The next day I said..
” yesterday was dad’s you.. know.. its been one year already.. ”
” yeah I miss him even now..”
“me too. ”
And that was that. We are not religious enough to take comfort in rituals. Nor emotional enough to cry. No thats not true. I do cry and am sure sis does too. But we dont comfort each other. We don’t know how.
With mom, we didn’t talk about her at all. Not about how much we missed her or how unfair it was all. For it was unfair. Was it not? Is it not? But whom do we blame? Our parents? God? if he even exists?
Anyhow.. the point is.. when do we stop hurting? When do we stop remembering? And how do we start doing that?
Or do we ever?
Catawampus me! 
None of my closest family members have died, so I don’t know how it is like.
But perhaps, it is indeed possible to come to terms with the event & feel normal for most parts of the days & month. What people might not be easily realizing is the role of social conditioning, which makes us feel guilty of feeling normal. It’d make children feel as if they are being ungrateful towards their parents if they enjoy life & start feeling normal (after their death). While, I couldn’t detect a component of such conditioning in what you feel from your writing, it is for you to make out if this component exists.
And I don’t know if you need this assurance, but tears might be a sign of emotion, but not of weakness. Because ultimately what drives us to live on are emotions. 🙂
Take care.
Its not about weakness or tears… its just that its easy to pack it up than deal with it and when you pack it up.. its like the proverbial elephant you dont want to see… So you see its a catch 22 situation!
i lost a rather close uncle last year. he has 2 kids, aged 8 and 15. the only advice i could give them was:
live every day as your dad would have wished you to. because when god took him, it was because his work on earth was done. and you both are big part of his work on earth.
cherish the memories of your parents, and let their good words and deeds inspire you for the rest of your life.
to do otherwise would be to squander their legacy.
all the best winnie! *hugs*
There are certain things that one cannot change. This is one of it. No matter how hard one tries the feelings/thoughts don’t go away. Time is the only healer…
I have no such close experience but what i saw and experirnced, things that hurt once, always remain so ! maybe bit less with time .. ut never to vanish …